She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
