If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
