Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
