If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
