I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
