Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
