drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
