Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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