you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
