you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
