they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
