I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
