If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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