Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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