Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
