there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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