I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
