My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
