I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
