No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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