There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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