Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
