Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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