You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
