I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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