They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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