i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
