I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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