Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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