They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
