Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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