I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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