i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
