im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
