I want to have your abortion
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
