If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
