We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
