yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
