One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
