he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
