I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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