Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
