I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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