bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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