Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My dick has a subreddit
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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