It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
