I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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