shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
