drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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