Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry about my life...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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