Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
