I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
