This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
