Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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