Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
