it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
