You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
