Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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