Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
