I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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